I’m kind of shy…Or should I say private. I don’t really like to talk publicly about my ups and downs, my family, or how I struggle to make my work. (Actually, the biggest struggle is disciplining myself to have the consecutive days to work.) Once I get there, the flow usually happens… And then a new struggle begins…A more joyous struggle. The other struggle is quite grey, guilt ridden, naggy, and self deprecating… Like how I felt when I tried to stop smoking. I would wake up with bright intentions and then something would interfere. I would have a good day, but ache inside with the knowledge of what I didn’t do. Ache of today’s failure. I see this is rambling. Well of course it is. I will not refine…you needn’t read. This will be for me! Today I am creating a blog for my “private” thoughts. A place to access my ideas and observations… To let them sizzle and grow (or not). You’re welcome to come along (or not). It feels more private than facebook. I can barely bring myself to post an image of my work on facebook. Facebook makes me feel funny.
I’ve been recupering from a virulent GI virus. Mostly around the bed. And sleeping(?) a lot. No tv and no reading and no talking. But the whole time I’ve been dreaming…Like non-stop. I can’t remember most of them…But they’ve been fun. Surprisingly, under the circumstances, most of these dreams have left me with up feelings. Nothing really awful happens…as they do in dreams, we all know! One segment of last nights many chaptered dream sequences I can still remember.I will share it here. It was so odd:
I flew to Seattle for some kind of extended family gathering. We (I don’t know who “we” are) were met at the airport by the people we were visiting. One lady has a skinny little baby…maybe 6 months old …not a pudgy cute thing. I was sitting on the airport lounge bench and she took the baby out of the infant seat let me hold the baby. The baby started wise cracking in full sentences like a stand up comedian. We all cracked up. Now it was time to go to the cars…we were a group of about 10 or so. They all started to go out toward the right. (I had already given the baby back) and I discovered I was wearing roller skates. The floors were gorgeous multi shades of wooden planks ranging from light birch to maple, cherry, and walnut interlocked…perfectly gorgeous floors. There were no people in sight. I stood up and began to skate. It was so smooth and so fast. (in real life I cannot skate at all!) So, while my group was all exiting right, I skated off down the huge pier to the left. I worried for a minute that I would loose my group, but I decided that since I was going so fast, I would have no problem catching up with them…besides, large groups move slowly. After skating up and down for a while on this luxurious wooden floor, I went outside to find them. I also figured that they would realize I was unaccounted for and wait until I showed up. They were nowhere in sight…so I began to skate around the parking lot. Still amazed at how great and fast the skates were. Then I skated over grass….STILL SO SMOOTH AND FAST. How could this be? Now I was at the outer perimeter of the parking lot. Then, out of the dark (did I forget to say it was night time?) I saw what I thought was a bear. It came closer and was more like some huge bear-like-shepherd-like-mastiff-like dog.
So I figured I would be ok since it wasn’t a bear and I like dogs. The dog ran up to me and started grabbing my arm with it’s mouth. I was still skating and he was running along with me. He was kind of gnawing at my arm, not really friendly, but not really hurting too much either.
There was just nothing I could do about it, so i accepted it. We were going along like that and, coming up on my right, I saw a large moose coming towards us. The dog got frightened and started to chomp down harder on my arm. I was still skating. I thought it was strange that the dog seemed to turn to me now for protection. How the power structure quickly so changed. I woke up panting! But I wouldn’t really call that a nightmare….just exciting. Go figure!