GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

 

I finally give in

To the see-ling fan

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

 

It keeps time

With my pulse

A regular beat

A-round and a-round

A-rhythm so reg-u-lar

And per-sis-tant

I try to sleep

With a finger in my ear.

Weird.

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

 

I flush

The toil-let

And try

To ad-just the fan

Then tap

On the therm-a-stat

But still

Not-so-still

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

 

I give in

I am up.

Sitting at the smooth and flawless pure white

Kitch-in t-able

A perfect glass of $22 Aveda tea (which I never dare to drink)

Now honors me and

My thoughts.

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

 

I ache for the loss of Maya

A voice of truth

Her rock solid bellow

Loud and slow

Soft and deep.

…and I ache for those who

Know not

The name

Maya.

 

I ache for the Angels

Of The Normal Heart

And for

Martinez

And all of the

Senseless

Deaths

Children

And our country

Now a land of

Suburban wars

Armed carpools.

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

 

I watch that slick and stunning

Edward Snowden

And Barack becoming

Just

A man of words

With no rock-solid-real-bellow

And I wonder.

I wonder about all we have lost.

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

 

They are shooting

At 7/11

For a piece of

Almond Joy

Service men and women

Returning home

To a care-less country.

CNN is turned off.

Yet still

Not-so-still

I still see-NN.

It’s cumulative.

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

 

And now

The kitchen clock goes

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

With my second cup of golden tea.

These are to be happy times

With pleasant breezes

And sunshine

In a tropical paradise

And now

I will

Climb back

Between my

520 thread

Count sheets.

GA-GUP GA-GUP GA-GUP

http://www.Tammrasigler.com

 

THANK YOU….ALL OF MY BIRTHDAY WELL WISHERS!……

THANK YOU ……ALL OF MY BIRTHDAY WELL WISHERS!……

It’s a ”one”

Not an “0”

It makes life so easy

No need

For big hoopla like

Birthday lunches

And surprises or

Fancy, over the top dinners

That naggy feeling

“Am I having fun yet?” or

“Is this special enough?”

But today is just a day

A beautiful day

A walk with a friend

A coffee with another

(I even paid myself)

Phone calls from the kids

Skypes and Facetimes

A few cards from a few

A visit to the Dermie

And a visit to a sick friend

A sweet husband home for lunch

Who pines over a troubled stock market

 

 

A Mexican dive for dinner

With old friends returning to town

Such a perfect unobtrusive day…..

SPRINKLED WITH WELL WISHES FROM ALL OF YOU

That made it so very sweet…..

I smiled all day!

…….and even the next day (today)

……. with my spirited students at it again!!!

I am so grateful and I thank you all!

http://www.tammrasigler.com

MAPPING THE FLOW…..the creative highway

MAPPING THE FLOW…..the creative highway

My poor husband has been bent over his computer all weekend. Something is dreadfully wrong and neither of us know how to fix it. Several calls to a recommended “techie” but no call back yet. Summer weekends and we figure he must be at the beach. My husband, God bless, is not really very computer literate…but he makes up for it in tenacity!  Yesterday we were discussing the possibility of changing browsers…thinking that that might cure the problem …and he thought that the internet browser was Google. I proceeded to explain to him, not that I know SO much,  that the browser was Internet Explorer or Safari which is the highway on which we travel throughout web and it takes us to sites like Google, Yahoo, and such.  I hung on to the idea of “highways” that enable our flow. ….or like our veins that carry and distribute our blood throughout our bodies.  Then I began to think about the “flow” of our creative juices….where they originate and how they travel.

For myself, I know the “mechanism” very well.  Firstly, just the smell alone of oil paint ignites me (it always has, even as a small girl).   Not only in my own studio…but anywhere else…particularly if it is unexpected.   When I’m ready to paint, or if I see something that I want to paint, or even moreso, when I watch my students painting, I get a tugging or pulling feeling in my arms. Not heavy or tired, more like a hard-to-describe vibration/tug. Kind of like when a nursing mother hears a baby cry and her milk begins to flow.  Then I look at my subject. Then my brush grabs the paint and begins to move on the canvas. Then I respond to that move and then the next…and then the next …and so on. I can actually clearly define this path…from my eyes to chest/heart …then down my arm to my hand…then brush…and onto the canvas. My brain is not a part of this flow. After I paint/respond for a while, my brain comes into play with evaluating and editing.

I recently came across a quote from the artist/illustrator, Wendy MacNaughton. I heard my own words echoed…about drawing and painting. It’s all so intrinsic and physiologic. Please click link below and enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/brainpicker/wendy-macnaughton-on-drawing

http://www.tammrasigler.com

WORKPLACE WORKSPACE…..making it work!

WORKPLACE WORKSPACE….making it work!

Recently I was visiting my son who is a poet.  He lives with his family in a spartan fourth floor walkup in Brooklyn Heights.  When I arrived I noticed a very beautiful table in his main room that I had never seen before. (main room is the room which acts as of the living room, dining room, and kitchen).   It was a very simple, natural maple, shaker-like, and pure design.  I commented on the table and he told me that that was where he writes and that NO ONE touches anything on his table.  So, of course, I began to mildly scan the table top from a distance.  Neatly set on top were different piles of papers each with a paper weight, a few pencils and pens, and no computer.  Very clean, very clear, and very concise.  Nothing random or extraneous.  A place for pure thinking and creating.  I was very touched by the deliberateness of it all.  Then I began to wonder, “Why a ‘table’ and not a ‘desk’.”  …or, more specifically, is there a difference between a writing table and a desk?    Maybe not.  And then, maybe so…..or at least, maybe so to the writer.  Perhaps it clearly points to “purpose” rather than a gathering of all-sorts-of-jobs to be done.  (Of interest, I am sitting at my kitchen table writing this!)  Whatever the case, I felt the importance, and even awe, of that sacred spot.  There was almost a tenderness and respect that the table claimed.

This led me to consider my own studio.  One year ago I moved my studio to another space just exactly across the cul-de-sac of my former space.  It is somewhat larger and configured differently.  In this new space I am actually able to have a “dirty” room and a  “clean” room….which is a huge asset.  The best part is that the dirty room has a back wall with a huge garage door that opens up into light and air. 

The front room, or the clean room, is oriented so that the natural sunny daylight streams in.  It is, undeniably, a happy place to be.  I always feel like dancing in my space. 

My former space was smaller, dependent on artificial light, cluttered, and somewhat claustrophobic, due in part to the cement floor that was painted orange by the previous renter.  I was always tripping over things…so much so that I had investigated purchasing liability insurance in order to be protected incase a visitor got injured.  My very first studio, in 1965, after I graduated from MICA,  was in the basement of our little house.  No natural light at all….but I had researched and created a great light system.  Even though it was less than “ideal”, it was still my own space….well…..well….until I started having babies.  Then we had to divide it in half…the nicer side became the children’s playroom, and I shared my side with the heating systems, pipes and ducts. ….but, it was still all mine.

My best studio was the one in Baltimore which was on a separate upper level in our second home.  I truly have my husband to thank for that.  Not only did he commit to it, but he had the vision.  It was light, airy, and large…and perhaps most importantly, once again, all my own.  I was, indeed, privileged.   It was perfect…not fancy….just perfect.

How many painters and writers can, in fact, claim their own space?  How important is it?  Is it essential?….How essential?  And how “perfect” does this space need to be?  I think it’s extremely important….to have a place where anything can happen…..and enough space to be able to put work aside and then revisit it and evaluate it without interruption.  A place where you don’t feel confined and where you aren’t tripping all over yourself.  A place where you can feel ownership of yourself and your ideas.  A place where you can flow.

Just the other day, while I was mulling over these thoughts, I had an occasion to visit an artist friend who wanted to share some of her new work with me.  She works in her home.  I mean IN HER HOME…..as in, all over her home….the kitchen, living room, and dining room.

She stores her work downstairs in the basement.  I didnt get to see that!  BUT….she makes it work!  My hat’s off to her!….to her committment, dedication, and drive.  I marvel at her ability to be oblivious of her home, her furniture, her living space and to be only conscious of her work.  Her fearlessness of clutter.  With or without a studio, she will make it work!  When I asked her how she does it, she just shrugged and smiled and said, “That’s what I do!”

A NOT-SO-ORDINARY ORDINARY WALK…abstract marvels!

A NOT-SO-ORDINARY ORDINARY WALK….abstract marvels!

(Looking seeing thinking and a few ah-has)

I’m a walker. I try to walk every day…but I’m not always successful. Sometimes I’m guilty of procrastinating.  I’m more dependable, however, if I have a walking partner.  If my partner is expecting me, I’d better show up!  The other day I was ready to take a walk and I had no walking partner.  Off I went, anyway, on my ordinary route through an ordinary suburban neighborhood. Houses…brick, stone, and wooden siding. Lawns…cut and not so cut, green and not so green.  Flowers…here and there, depending on interest and where-with-all. Sidewalks…cracks, humps and nasty missing chunks.  Asphalt with splats and stains, and curbs irregular.  Hondas, Chevys, Toyotas, and Fords.  Minivans, station wagons, sedans, and work trucks.  Baby strollers, tree swings, gliders, mismatched lawn chairs, and abandoned toys.  Balls, pennies, and run over ballpoint pens and candy boxes in the street. I once found a dollar!  I forgot my earphones. No friend and no music. Just ME…walking, looking, seeing and thinking …and my iPhone.  In a short time I was onto my ah-has…shooting away with my camera.  

By the way…this isn’t a new habit of mine. Through the years, I’ve always enjoyed my walks and finding wonder in my “walk-junk.” I’ve always envied the workmen…the street workers. …their freedom of spraying fluorescence paint all over the street….making the great outdoors their canvas. 

And so, some years ago, I bought 6 cans of Rustoleum fluorescents and created a new body of work on unstretched canvas which I called “spreadsheets.”  I borrowed my markings from the Utility Men. 

http://www.tammrasigler.com

HOW DO YOU GET YOUR IDEAS?…..they are up for grabs!

HOW DO YOU GET YOUR IDEAS?…….they are up for grabs!

Recently someone came into my studio and looked up at me in wonderment, “How do you get your ideas?” he asked. I stopped to think how to answer that question…and without even taking a breath, to my own surprise, I blurted out the perfect answer….”Ideas are all just out there…floating around…when I need one, I just reach up and grab one!”  “But,” he said,” that sounds too simple.”  Well, the answer is yes and no.  “Yes,” it is too simple…. and “no,” because they don’t all work!…..But then, in that case, I just go and grab another….and another…..and yet another….until things begin to pull together and gel. Basically, it’s about being alert and open to any possibility.  Letting ideas in.  Trusting them.  Even if they make no sense…they came from “somewhere”….and their validity will reveal itself later.  DO/ACT now and THINK later.  The thinking is the editing and the bringing of some order….but I know I must leave the channel open for any and every idea!

Usually, when I step up to a canvas, I have NO idea of what I am going to paint.  I make a mark…then another, and another….each mark responding to the previous marks.  Things begin to form and happen. The painting and the ideas begin to churn and mix.  This is scary at first…but a wonderful way to work…no expectations….except, of course, the hopes of a good painting.

Occasionally, however, I do have a somewhat concrete “idea” before I step up to the canvas or enter the print studio.  I specifically remember when I was painting “Toys Games and Puzzles,” I had already pushed the theme for a few years and I  decided that a circus would be perfect next step.  I had already used some clown imagery in some earlier work, so it seemed like a natural direction. I began to study and research the circus in some depth, hoping that by immersing myself the circus, circus imagery would just flow out of me.  I can vividly remember walking up to the huge canvas and starting by painting a large circle (ring) in the center….then I added a 2nd and 3rd ring.  Then, when I started to move through the canvas….nothing worked and nothing came together. NOTHING HAPPENED! Soon I realized that I just wasn’t comfortable with circles and almost without my knowing it, a large square got formed in the middle of the canvas…and then a grid….and then a smudge.  I stood back and wondered, “Now what is this?”  Houdini….in a box…..it’s MAGIC….and so, my circus theme became a magic theme instead….which, in fact, also related to Toys Games and Puzzles.  This is an example of how a painting can have its own life and how I permitted new ideas to form and take over….even when I thought I HAD my IDEA. (of additional interest….my husband happens to be a magician!….and not a clown!!!)

NOW!

no kidding…..really…….THEN!

An added observation:  While working on that painting I rejected the circle form in favor of a square.  Squares and grids had been a common and repeated element in my work.  The circle did not appear in my work until I printed my Laurie Anderson suite four years later.

http://www.tammrasigler.com

GESTURE DRAWING – GESTURE WRITING…..Let it all hang out!

GESTURE DRAWING – GESTURE WRITING…..Let it all hang out!

Recently I came across a delightful piece in “The New York Times” by Rachel Howard entitled  “Gesture Writing.”  As Rachel so aptly describes, any of us who have ever taken a figure drawing class have experienced gesture drawing.  As a teacher of painting, who uses the live model more often than not, and as an expressionistic painter, I continually hear myself stressing the “gesture,” the “attitude,” the “personality,” the “thrust of the hip,” or the “strength of the neck,” the “tilt of the head,” “where is her weight?” “which leg is she standing on?” “what is this figure ‘saying’?”  “what makes her unique?” ”don’t just try to depict her….give me HER,” “find the ATTITUDE!” The “gesture” and the “attitude” are where the “action” is.  The “action” is the life of the painting.  Fill your paintings with life.  As I sit here, dabbling with my blog…I now realize  that I am gesture writing!  I am sketching words.  It is such fun to just grab the moment.  The trick/gift of the artist/writer is to somehow know when that moment is THERE…in all of its directness and integrity….when just a few lines say it all ….and when even one more line will rob the energy and richness of the expression.

Thank you Rachel Howard, for pulling these thoughts together for us and enabling viewers and readers, who may never have seen the world through “gesture,” to get a glimpse, an understanding, and an appreciation of the “essential mark.”

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/05/25/gesture-writing/

http://www.tammrasigler.com

THE AUTO TRAIN ….Everything you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask!

THE AUTO TRAIN ….Everything you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask!

This is a subject that I wasn’t going to touch. Yet, here I sit,  waiting for the Auto Train and so, how can I ignore it. We are on our annual trek North and have decided, in recent years, that the train is the most efficient way to get there. The Auto Train is extremely well run and the staff is always very pleasant and, in fact, full of personality. We like to arrive early in order to get our seat assignments and dinner reservation, 7:00….since dining  times on the train are 5:00, 7:00, and 9:00.   That being accomplished, we jump back in our car and go out for lunch…to a special joint that we found nearby where my husband can enjoy a cheese steak sub and I have a power bar with water!.  We return with plenty of time to board.

As a teacher of Expressionist Painting I like to impress my students with how to “see” in a new and fresh way….  How to see abstractly….To begin to see the patterns and relationships….colors and forms, dots and accents rather that “what things are”. As we approached the station I was first struck by all of the workers in their shocking orange shirts dotting my visual canvas.  I was totally charmed, visually and conceptually by the orange clad Amtrak workers lunching together in a little gazebo adjacent to the drive up station. Go figure!!!

By the time we returned to the station, the huge, formerly empty waiting room was now filled with an assorted conglomerate of new passengers and their suitcases, snacks, drinks, lunches, pillows, blankets, and, if with children, their dolls, toys, and stuffed animals.

I am afraid to post the pictures that I took…fear of getting sued.  Lets just say, these folks are from every and any walk of life…..all sizes, shapes, ethnicities and age.  Basically, an eclectic mini world!   If you enjoy “people watching” then this is your heyday! One thing that I  noticed is that so many of the older couples sit next to each other not talking and looking angry. I really mean a lot.  Now that is scary.  Well, I wonder, maybe that is just how people look when they are waiting.  (This is nothing as compared to what they look like sleeping!)…of course I’ve never seen myself sleeping!!!

At 2:30 we begin to board. We have requested a “quiet car” (also why we like to arrive early!)…which means not a bunch of kids running up and down the aisles with their paraphernalia and toys looking for friends.  Unfortunately, it does NOT mean no snoring! 

After sitting for maybe five minutes we take off for the club car.  Four cars later we arrive, find a “booth” and start with the vodka.

Amtrak provides little cocktail pretzel/hot stuff snacks which, judging from how we devour them, you might have thought was a seafood rawbar!  At four o’clock exactly the train departs.  Now we only have until seven o’clock to busy ourselves.  We decide to stay put in the club car since the dining car is the very next car and our own car is 4 rocking and rolling cars away….what you might call a big schlepp.  We have a NY Times crossword puzzle, a Kindle, an ipad with email access, and each other, with which to occupy our time.  We do not play cards…as many folks do.  They look like they are having so much fun.  What I do notice, however, is that all of those bored and silently sad-seeming people are now all new best friends.  Their chatter, about everything and anything and nothing is at high decibels….the train is really rocking now… and everyone has become very friendly….like a huge party.  It seems so odd.  I really don’t think it is alcohol induced…if that were the case, then what about me?  I keep wondering how they all “know” each other so quickly.  Finally it is time for dinner, and a relief from all of the friendly people telling their life stories.  We are told to sit with another couple.  We enjoyed them, the vegetable lasagna, the braised beef, the dishwasher wine that they continue to refill, and the amazing cheesecake with cherries on top (you can get chocolate on top if you prefer.)  We are soon asked to vacate the dining car…even though we have enjoyed our chatty dinner partners (our new best friends) so that they can set up for the nine o’clockers.  We decide to bypass the opportunity to watch a movie in the club car and head back to our seats…which we haven’t seen since 3:00.  Now we settle into our NY Times, books, and puzzles, wrap ourselves in our blankie, recline our seats and raise our legs, unsnap the top snap of our pants, take our little 1/2 pill, and settle in for the night.  Oh yes, I forgot to mention, we climb downstairs to visit the lavatories….eeeek!  The next morning, after a multitude of is-it-morning-yet false alarms, we are up at 6:00.  After a continental breakfast…we disembark the train at about 8:30 and enter another huge waiting hall (identical to the southern hall…just a different state) in order to wait for the identical orange Amtrak workers to unload our car.  We complain that we are always among the last 10 cars to come off of the train.  This year there were 256 automobiles on board.  That can take almost two hours.  But this year, to our surprise,  our car came off pretty early (maybe around 50)…oddly though, we were so engaged in conversation with a charming woman sitting next to us, that we never even heard them announce our car.   We were alerted when they made a desperate cry for someone to please claim the white Volvo!!!!

For my readers who have never tried the Auto Train…now you have it.  But the real story here is how people come together.  Many books, plays, short stories, etc  have focused on this theme…and every year I observe and participate in that “dance”.  Once you are “locked up” together the human spirit takes over.  Kindness and generosity become the general mode.  People of all walks of life tend to blend and meld…. at least for the moment.

People are people.       “Bacon’s bacon!” – Eugene O’Neill – “Desire Under the Elms”

http://www.tammrasigler.com

GOLDIES….”regular” aspirations!

GOLDIES…”regular” aspirations!

Goldies is THE PLACE!  Goldie’s is a little dive literally around the corner from my studio.  It’s only open for breakfast and lunch…until 3:00.  You can get anything that you could ever want at Goldie’s.  Name it and they have it…I mean good, basic eats.  Huge, ample servings. …or carry out as well. (I don’t work for Goldies!!!) No mesculin or “eurogreens.”  Think good old iceberg lettuce….crunchy and cold.  This is NOT a tea room!  I noticed, when I was there the other day, that everyone seemed to be a regular.  Such a cozy place.  Kind of a ‘50‘s attitude.  Everything happens fast…tables cleaned, orders taken and food delivered….always friendly and in good cheer.  Always efficient and to the point.  Sayings are stenciled on the walls that remind you of how to live your life…. not a religious thing…just niceties.  Typically I see neighborhood tradesmen. policemen, firemen, contractors, some quirky old couples, and a large table of jovial men who play tennis daily and cool down for lunch at Goldie’s.  The servers seem to know all of the patrons and quickly bring them their  regular favorites.  I like to go there with my students. The highlight of my teaching session in my studio is a celebratory end-of-season-lunch at Goldies. We sit at a big table, make lots of noise, and just love that our congenial group can laugh, share, and eat hardily together.  Sometimes, midway through lunch, I start eyeballing the crowd in an attempt to snag a new model for next year…By now, my students are beginning to goad me until I shock them by acting shy! That just makes them laugh louder!  But typically I just enjoy the warmth of our group…umbrellaed by the warmth of Goldies.

The “season” has ended now and Naples is beginning to quiet down.  My husband and I were out doing errands, and he said “how about Goldies for lunch?” “Perfect,” I said. Even though the town is quiet, Goldie’s was packed.  We were lucky enough to grab the last table.  And there was Diane.  Now isn’t she just perfect?  Who couldn’t love this lady? Peppy, happy, efficient, friendly, and plain old down to earth. After the “what’ll ya haves” Diane asked about my gang of students and then asked “how’s your painting goin?”  To my own surprise, I told her the truth and replied, “Hard, actually.”  And Diane said, without skipping a beat, “Well, why don’t cha try paintin by numbers…it might be easier!” What a hoot!  After my super sized cobb salad loaded with bacon and my husband’s juicy, rare burger with fries, I began to think that I, too, just might be a “regular!”

A HAIRCUT…..with a smile!

A HAIRCUT……with a smile!

Today I went to Amy for my haircut.  I do this every 4-5 weeks.  First I sit in the chair and I’m draped with a  black cape.  “Same thing?” Amy inquires.  “Yup,” I say.  Then we march over to the shampoo area….I take my pocketbook which I had JUST set down and we have a brief discussion about shampoos.  Then, back to the chair….I set my pocketbook down again….and Amy begins to comb and cut.  Now I’m remembering my blog ….. (“ENERGY”) when I mentioned feeling totally limp when I sit down for my haircut, dentist, doctor appointment, and I wonder why not so today. Today I felt alert and “alive!”  I really like Amy. She is sweet, unpretentious, and kind.  She is also a good cutter!  Things are going along quite normally and we are having our usual low key conversation.  Amy always asks about Joanie and Chuck, clients of hers who are friends of mine.  She genuinely cares for them.  We discuss JC Penney and whether or not business is picking up for them.  (I always cut through JCP to get to the Salon and I have been fascinated by Penney’s business issues.) By this time, Amy has been all over my head when I unexpectedly notice her in the mirror. I see her whisking her hands back and forth through my hair around the crown of my head and kind of swirling in circles…subtle but very specific movements.  (Now you must know that I only have about one inch of hair all over my head.)  As I’m watching her I realize that she is totally engrossed with my head and kind of zoned….almost like she is playing in the sand.  Suddenly I blurt out, “Your having FUN, aren’t you?”  She stopped short….looked up at me in the mirror….paused for a second as if she had been caught….and then, burst out laughing….”Yes, I am!!!”…..and we both started to laugh.  Then I realized that Amy was in the same place that I go to when I am painting and “having fun.”  ….the same part of the brain was taking her to that “other place.”  The place where we are on automatic, and operating from our most creative core.  The place where you just let go.  It’s when a painting gets painted…in spite of me and inspite of itself!  It’s when I ask, days, weeks, or even years later, “How did I paint that?”  It’s the highest place we aspire to…and yet, the harder we try to get there, the further we are. For it to happen, it must be effortless. The only thing that we can do, with purpose to advance our goal, is to create a conducive environment…..a comfortable studio, equipment available, and no interruptions.  For me,  a wonderful playlist of just the right music hopefully catapults me to that other place.  Amy and I soon slid back to the normalcy of the monthly cut..I had interrupted her “other place.” ….but, in spite of that, we had shared a special moment…and we knew it.   I also suspect that we both kept the curled edge of the smile…that little giggle that’s always ready to bubble up…for the rest of the day!

How was my haircut?  A little short….but it always is!

http://www.tammrasigler.com